The other day I was wasting my time on Facebook when I came across the following picture:
When I saw this, my first reaction was, “Now this is just unfair.” I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could either like the post, thus putting my fellow Facebook friends in the same moral dilemma, or I could ignore it, thus having to deal with the guilt of basically saying I want my grandma to die.
Then I realized that the poster of this picture didn’t really care about anyone’s grandma; he/she just wanted some good ol’ Facebook likes. Instead of achieving his/her goal by posting something funny and/or creative, the poster resorted to a poorly made, manipulative and not-very-subtle picture in order to get cheap likes. I had seen pictures like these before, but none of them had been as obviously desperate for likes as this one. In my mind, pictures like these are just as annoying as those spam messages saying stuff like “If you don’t forward this message to 20 people, this creepy demon girl will kill you in your sleep.”
And the worst part is, this picture actually got a lot of likes! It got over 1,000 likes, 50(ish) shares and 150 comments, none of which pointed out that the picture was just using people’s grandmas to get likes. One thousand people fell into the unsubtle trap set by the lazy Facebook page that posted it. At first I was frustrated, but then I realized something: If these idiots on Facebook can pull this off, maybe I can too.
So I decided to write a post with a similar title. I couldn’t use grandmothers, though, because I didn’t want to stoop as low as them. I thought about using “Like if you love God, ignore if you want to go to hell,” but that was overdone. And besides, not everyone believes in God or hell.
I needed something that is universally and unconditionally loved. After some intense brainstorming, I ended up with puppies. Everyone loves puppies. The last thing anyone would want is for them to be slaughtered
And just like that, I had come up with the perfect title to steal people’s likes. “Like This Post If You Like Puppies. Ignore If You Want Them All Slaughtered.” Since just about everyone loves puppies, and would rather have them alive and well rather than dead and not-well, everyone will be driven by guilt into liking my posts.
I’ve decided that, if people on Facebook can do it, why can’t I do it for everything? I’m 15,000 words into a manuscript. If I ever finish it, I’ll send it to an agent, including in the synopsis, “Publish my novel if you love your family. Ignore if you want them all to die in a deadly car accident with another truck filled with innocent toddlers and bunnies,” and I’ll be a best-selling author in no time. Using this method, I can manipulate my way through my life.
I know, I’m evil.