Like This Post if You Like Puppies. Ignore if You Want Them All Slaughtered.

The other day I was wasting my time on Facebook when I came across the following picture:

Some of the picture is cut off for some reason. It says, “Like and share if you love your grandma, Ignore if you want grandma to die.”

When I saw this, my first reaction was, “Now this is just unfair.” I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could either like the post, thus putting my fellow Facebook friends in the same moral dilemma, or I could ignore it, thus having to deal with the guilt of basically saying I want my grandma to die.

Then I realized that the poster of this picture didn’t really care about anyone’s grandma; he/she just wanted some good ol’ Facebook likes. Instead of achieving his/her goal by posting something funny and/or creative, the poster resorted to a poorly made, manipulative and not-very-subtle picture in order to get cheap likes. I had seen pictures like these before, but none of them had been as obviously desperate for likes as this one. In my mind, pictures like these are just as annoying as those spam messages saying stuff like “If you don’t forward this message to 20 people, this creepy demon girl will kill you in your sleep.”

photo credit: memegenerator

And the worst part is, this picture actually got a lot of likes! It got over 1,000 likes, 50(ish) shares and 150 comments, none of which pointed out that the picture was just using people’s grandmas to get likes. One thousand people fell into the unsubtle trap set by the lazy Facebook page that posted it. At first I was frustrated, but then I realized something: If these idiots on Facebook can pull this off, maybe I can too.

So I decided to write a post with a similar title. I couldn’t use grandmothers, though, because I didn’t want to stoop as low as them. I thought about using “Like if you love God, ignore if you want to go to hell,” but that was overdone. And besides, not everyone believes in God or hell.

I needed something that is universally and unconditionally loved. After some intense brainstorming, I ended up with puppies. Everyone loves puppies. The last thing anyone would want is for them to be slaughtered

And just like that, I had come up with the perfect title to steal people’s likes. “Like This Post If You Like Puppies. Ignore If You Want Them All Slaughtered.” Since just about everyone loves puppies, and would rather have them alive and well rather than dead and not-well, everyone will be driven by guilt into liking my posts.

I’ve decided that, if people on Facebook can do it, why can’t I do it for everything? I’m 15,000 words into a manuscript. If I ever finish it, I’ll send it to an agent, including in the synopsis, “Publish my novel if you love your family. Ignore if you want them all to die in a deadly car accident with another truck filled with innocent toddlers and bunnies,” and I’ll be a best-selling author in no time. Using this method, I can manipulate my way through my life.

I know, I’m evil.

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21 Replies to “Like This Post if You Like Puppies. Ignore if You Want Them All Slaughtered.”

      1. Not particularly. I don’t want them all slaughtered, but I don’t love puppies.

        And since you did that just for the purpose of being evil, I’m ignoring it.

      1. I’m not immortal in the sense that I can’t die, but in the sense that I don’t age. So everyone at the immortal conferences make fun of me and every once in a while, try to kill me. So I usually avoid them. Are you immortal? If so, please don’t make fun of me. I’m very sensitive.

      2. You too? I don’t age either! You’re in the wrong section of the conference, my friend– our club is over in the west wing. Those jerks dry up into husks after little more than a century. I pity them sometimes, but they have to have some fun before they lose all livelihood. We, however, live through the millennia. It’s nice, actually.

      3. Oh, so when they were laughing and telling me to “Go to the other side!” they weren’t telling me to kill myself; they were telling me to go to the other side of the conference where you guys were! It all makes sense now!

        When is the next immortal conference? I’m suddenly excited for it.

      4. I won’t be at the next one, so I didn’t memorize the date. They’re planning an enormous prank on us, but I don’t want to get caught. If you do, however, by all means, go.

  1. ..Well technically, none of us would want the puppies slaughtered if we took the time to read it, so TECHNICALLY, it wouldn’t matter if you liked the post or not.
    Not that I followed my own advice, but still.

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