My Super Awesome Time Travel Novella: Chapter 1

This post was both inspired by both Liam’s Phil Phorce and Jeyna Grace’s Fan Fiction Novel, both of which are amazing. So I decided to write something similar to my blog much like what they’re doing except the plot is completely different (At least so far. I’m only just starting episode 2 of Phil Phorce and eight chapters into Jenna’s novel). It’s a Sci-fi Comedy about time travel with a bit of romance thrown in.

This isn’t a serious novel that I expect to get published or anything, but more of a fun story to entertain all you people. And to avoid confusion, the actual title of this novella is “My Super Awesome Time Travel Novella.”

Also, feel free to criticize my work as much as you want. Seriously, I need criticism.

Chapter 1: This is Really More of a Prologue

Chloe Brooks is quite possibly the coolest girl I’ve ever met, and that’s not the type of compliment I pass around lightly. She’s charming, lovably geeky and contains the greatest sense of humor a guy like me could ask for. For me at least, she’s perfect.

Oddly enough, I barely knew who she was until 2 months into my Freshman year of High School. I remember it with exceptional accuracy: it was halfway through eighth period Social Studies, and I had just recently been dumped by this girl named Vicky who was upset that I never took anything seriously. This is partially true–but to be fair we had only dated for a week, and she was annoying. Meanwhile, Chloe was dating some jerk named Dennis.

(Quick note: Dennis is actually a nice, respectable guy, but this story works much better if you imagine him as jerk.)

“…Women rarely owned property, due to the prejudice views towards women during this period of time,” said Mrs. Rippa’s monotonous voice. Her last word caused me to reference a famous quote from Doctor Who, even though I knew no one would understand it.

“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause and effect, but actually, from a non linear, non-subjective viewpoint–” I stopped, feeling the blank stares of the whole classroom upon me, wondering just what the hell I was talking about. That’s the problem with going to my school– you could make hundreds of references to Doctor Who and no one will get them. Up until that point I was sure I was the only Whovian within miles of my town.

“–It’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly… timey-wimey… stuff,” said a lovely voice from the back of the classroom. The moment I heard it I found myself smiling uncontrollably.

I looked back to see Chloe Brooks, this girl who I almost never talked to before in my life, who hung out in a completely different group of friends and always sat in the same seat, four rows back and to the very side where no one ever looked, smiling at me with inside knowledge that suggested we were close friends. We stared at each other for what seemed like a long time before this kid next to me named Jimmy snapped me out of it.

“What the hell are you guys talking about?”

One annoying kid in the back asked almost the exact same question, and soon the whole class erupted into the loud chatter that was the most familiar sound in 8th period Social Studies, and within thirty seconds everyone had forgotten about that little incident but me. Oh how I love public school.

After that, Chloe and I became good friends. At first we bonded over our mutual love for Doctor Who, but our list of discussion topics expanded exponentially until I was closer to her than she was with some of her other friends. After a month or two she finally broke up with that jerk Dennis and a week later we started going out. The next six months were the probably one of the best six months of my life.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because just five minutes ago I shot her in the face with my uncle’s pump-action shotgun and left her corpse in the woods to rot.

Don’t give me that look–it’s not what it sounds like. Because even though she’s almost definitely dead right now, I’m still sitting next to a living, breathing, fifteen year-old Chloe Brooks. She, at least, is as happy as ever, and hasn’t been shot in the face. Yet.

That’s the problem with being a time traveler. Once you screw up, you screw up for good, and there’s no way to take it back unless you come up with an overly complicated plan and/or you create a giant paradox that destroys the universe, and no one wants to do all that.

There are three things you need to know before you ever attempt to time travel:

  1. Time is not actually a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. It’s really just one long, boring line that makes occasional slight turns.

  2. Don’t mess with your past self, your future self, your ancestors, or any historical figure, no matter how evil he/she is. In fact, avoid the past altogether. Traveling to the past for too long inevitably leads to you no longer existing.

  3. Time travel sucks.

I know I probably sound like an expert on time travel at the moment, but I’m really not. I’ve really only been traveling for a day or two, maybe three. It’s tough to keep track of time because in the time travel business, you rarely spend a full day in a specific time period. A lot  of crazy stuff has happened since I started time traveling. After all this, I simply zapped back to where I was seconds after I first started.

You’re probably very confused right now, and that’s understandable. I don’t think you even know my name. But don’t worry; I’m going to tell you everything you need to know, starting with how I became a time traveler to being with. It’s a funny story.

***

So what do you think? If this post doesn’t get a lot of views, I’ll probably stop writing these altogether. But hopefully that won’t happen. If you have any suggestions, criticisms, or questions of any sort, please comment below.

Also, you know that guest post contest I’m holding for the author of the 200th comment? I’m currently at comment 188.

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20 Replies to “My Super Awesome Time Travel Novella: Chapter 1”

  1. This is so awesome ! I have to admit, when he said he shot Chloe in the face, well, lets just say it give me a bit of a shock– great job pulling the reader in from the start. 🙂 keep writing because I absolutely MUST know what happens next!! 😀

  2. Eh. You gave us a lot of information, but nothing to propel us into the next installment. Though indeed, shooting one’s girlfriend in the face is startling and intriguing, we need an inciting incident. Knowing that this character is a fan of Doctor Who doesn’t cut it. Get us interested. The “it all started when…” approach doesn’t often cut it.

    Also, that parenthetical about Dennis was hugely unnecessary. Say he’s a jerk once and we get it– there’s time for changing the audience’s views later. And once will do. You don’t have to reiterate “that jerk Dennis” unless his first name really is “that jerk”.

    But other than that, it looks pretty interesting.

  3. I wrote a novel’s worth of critiques on this post, but something wonky occurred between the writing and the viewing. I’d suggest you check your spam folder, but it might not be there.

    In short, I said that this scene, while good, doesn’t do the job of introducing a story. It gives no reason for me to read on. You intrigued me slightly by the whole “I’m a time traveller and I shoot girls in the face” thingy, but it’s no inciting incident. Also, you don’t have to add that parenthetical about Dennis not being a jerk. There’s time for character reevaluation later. Similarly, you don’t have to say “that jerk Dennis” every time you talk about him, unless his first name truly is “that jerk”.

    1. Thank you for actually critiquing this! And I see what you mean, especially the part about Dennis.

      Also, I checked my spam folder and found your comment. I’m not sure why it was spammed to begin with, but rest assured knowing that I unspammed the comment and now it’s back in it’s rightful place.

  4. Paragraph 4, line one should be ‘prejudiced’.

    The ‘what are you talking about’ line is great; as a geek I can really relate to that. Happened a lot in school, not because I was clever (I wasn’t) but because sometimes what I would say was a bit out of the blue to anybody except me.

    That your protagonist shot his soul-mate in the face with a shotgun is a great hook.

    Zapping back to an optimal point in your own history after doing all that stuff? Exactly what I would do. I think that life is like an elastic band; doesn’t matter what you do, it’ll just revert more or less back into the shape it was somehow or other.

    I want to read more of this.

  5. I was scrolling through your comments, and I’m miffed that Liam – whom I’m sure is a nice person – posted such a insolent response to your story, and blatantly so. There is a huge dichotomy between criticism and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, something everyone should take note of.

    (Cue story time, dim the lights. This may last a paragraph or four.)

    A few years ago, I posted a comment a la Liam on a Harry Potter fanfiction. I was immature, spiteful, scathing: I pointed out inconsequential grammar errors, scoffed at plot holes, and made derisive comments about her original characters. The author, who had simply wanted to share with the world something she had written and was genuinely proud of, probably felt a massive blow to her writing ability. Over the years, the “criticism” I left faded from my memory. I’m not sure if the author was able to forget it as easily.

    You see, a year after that, I published a Harry Potter fanfiction myself.

    Enter Q. His name, obviously, wasn’t Q – it was rather this long, biblical reference of some sort. Even his icon reeked of ostentation. (You can tell I’m quite fond of the guy. 😉 ) What happened next was a serious of events: Q, exalting himself, left a scathing comment in the guise of “criticism”. My self-esteem plummeted. I have not written anything since.

    I see in Liam what I saw in Q – and myself, when I left that Harry Potter fan fiction “critque”. An alleged writing master, he deigned to offer constructive criticism, which was really not constructive at all. Constructive criticism is supposed to BUILD a talent- a writer is constantly learning, and a helpful critique will aim to guide them. What constructive criticism is NOT is enumerating all the trivial faults to story and tacking on a cheerful “but other than that!” at the end.

    (See, there WAS a point to my unexpectedly-long story!)

    My Actual Point: The world needs talented writers. And, although I’m not the best example of this, with a three year and counting creative-writing hiatus and all, these talented writers can’t let the opinions of others hold them back. There will always be Q’s to point out the faults – but behind every Q, there is a supportive and loving fan base who will help you improve.

    Reading this back, it looks like I’m taking a shot at Liam. I apologize to Liam if he reads this, and I had no intention of doing so. But, from a person who was affected immensely from a simple comment (turning from a girl who loved writing to one who dreaded picking up a pencil or starting at a computer screen), I want to make sure that this does happen again.

    Okay. Whew. I admit, this response was impetuous, and I’m turning two innocent comments left by a guy I have never been acquainted with into a dramatic life lesson. But I needed to say that. There is nothing that flares me up more than seeing diatribe passed off as being “helpful.”

    ANYHOW. Let me turn my attention to the story itself, which is what I really wanted to comment about:

    Vaguely Patrick Ness-esque with a piquant resemblance to Rick Riordan or John Green.

    Roughly translated: This is phenomenal. And If I compare someone to John Green, you know you’ve hit some literary jack pot.

    You’re voice is hilarious. It’s entertaining, humorous, and I WANT to read more. Like, even your tongue-in-cheek chapter title (This is really more of a prologue) had me chuckling.

    This may possibly be my favorite thing ever: “Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because just five minutes ago I shot her in the face with my uncle’s pump-action shotgun and left her corpse in the woods to rot.”

    Are you some teenaged John Green? Or – considering the hilarity and time travel aspect – a secret Douglas Adams?

    Honor your writing talent, Matthew. I will definitely be reading on! 😀

    OKAY I’M EMBARRASSED BY THE LENGTH OF THIS COMMENT AND I HOPE I DON’T COME OFF AS BEING HISTRIONIC BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS JUST A LOT OF THINGS I HAD TO SAY. 🙂

    1. Also, I conveniently skipped over the part where you said “Also, feel free to criticize my work as much as you want. Seriously, I need criticism”

      and then wrote a rant about criticism.

      *clears throat awkwardly* *pats the Liam kid on the back* *scuttles to some seclusive corner*

      Well, putting this at the top of my “Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Engage in Human Interaction” list.

      Kindly ignore three-fourths of that comment.

      1. *Ignores 3/4ths of the previous commment.*

        Don’t worry, it’s a common mistake. I once had to retake a state test because I forgot to check if I had a #2 pencil (I didn’t). Oh, and thanks for the feedback. The next chapter will come some time in the near future. And sorry for the late reply; I haven’t had much access to the internet lately.

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