Spoilers, Spoilers Everywhere!

(Despite the title above and the picture below, there are no spoilers about the Doctor Who season finale in this post.)

Well said, River.

Today, Doctor Who’s season finale is airing at eight o’clock, and the wait is killing me. It’s even worse when you consider that I have no life, so I have nothing to do to pass the time except write this post. But the worst thing is, anywhere I go on the internet, I see spoilers for the finale.

Because of stupid time zone differences, everyone in Europe has been able to watch the finale six hours before it airs here, so some of them that I follow on twitter and am friends with on Facebook, feel the need to tell the world as many spoilers about the finale as possible without so much as a warning beforehand.

Why can’t some people put a spoiler warning before writing spoilers via internet?

Why can’t the Earth be flat so it’ll be the same time everywhere?

Why can’t Doctor Who be aired so that those living on the east coast of America can enjoy it at the same time as those in England (which would be 2 PM)? I know it’ll probably mess up the show’s ratings, but I’m selfish, so it doesn’t matter to me.

This post isn’t about Doctor Who though, it’s about:

“Spoilers,” said River Song for the hundredth time.

Spoilers are vicious creatures that feed off the curiosity of innocent people like me. People are naturally drawn to read spoiler-filled reviews and go on forums filled with careless people. I guess it’s because of our instinctive desire to know what happens next as soon as possible.

The worst part about spoilers is that you can never forget what you just read without causing significant brain damage. I wish I could edit the information out of my mind like a silent and enjoy the show without any foreknowledge. But I can’t. I will never not know what happens in the finale. Because I’m nice, I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it.

As it turns out, the Doctor’s name is “Burger King: Have it Your Way,” and then he defeats The Great Intelligence with the power of love. Oh, and Clara ends up being an actor played by Jenna-Louise Coleman, who just kept sneaking onto the Tardis and pretended to be a similar person each time just to mess with him. And any evidence that contradicts that was just the Doctor’s hallucinations and/or deceptive camera work.

Sorry for spoiling the episode for you.

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11 Replies to “Spoilers, Spoilers Everywhere!”

  1. I’m not afraid of small spiders, because in my area, the only seriously dangerous ones are rather large. I am, however, rather phobic toward hymenopterans.

  2. Finally, the UK and Europe get to ruin the lives of Americans everywhere (well, mainly in America) with spoilers! Most of the shows I watch are US shows (Grimm, Elementary, etc) and I find myself constantly bombarded with spoilers.
    Actually, that’s a lie. I spend too much time watching TV and too little time on the Internets for that to happen, but it has happened a couple of times with the Formula One results been broadcasted on the news or something before I’ve watched it 😦
    Anyway… have you watched it yet? Have you watched it yet? No spoilers, but I thought it was going to either be the worst episode or the best ever ever, and it turned out (for me) to be disappointingly middling. Apart from the end. That was exciting in a should-I-be-excited? kind of way.

    1. **SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO HASN’T WATCHED THE FINALE**

      I’ve watched it, and I wasn’t disappointed at all. Though that may be because my expectations were so low, since I knew that no matter how cool the Doctor’s name was, it would still be anti-climactic. I was so relieved when River said it instead.

      The only thing I didn’t like about the episode was the cheesy “Introducing John Hurt as The Doctor” letters at the very end. I just thought it was completely unnecessary.

      And If I were you, I would take revenge on us pesky Americans and spoil tv shows for us any chance you get.

  3. I felt kind of upset that they went to Trensilore when you’re not allowed to go to Trensilore, though they had no proof that that’s where those comic-relief-characters were. Then I was annoyed that it’s not his grave but his time-stream, seeing as that’s not just dangerous if he goes there, it’s dangerous if ANYONE goes there. It was cheesy indeed. I felt like I was being forced to gasp, and I thought he must have already been seen in one of the other episodes and that’s why it was so shocking, but he wasn’t.

    Spoilers. Hmm. Have you seen the end of Sherlock series 2? (Clue-HE DIES! BUT THEN DOESN’T! AND THEN JOHN IS ALL SAD AND IT’S ALL CRY-WORTHY AND THE NEXT SERIES ISN’T COMING OUT FOR LIKE ACTUAL YEARS!)

    -coughs inconspicously-

    1. Nice try, but I’ve already watched the second series of Sherlock. Multiple times. I heard the next series is airing this December.

      In defense of the finale, I never thought of Jenny and Madame Vastra as just comic relief characters. Strax, however, is a completely different story. And the Doctor knew they were at trenzalore since the Whispermen kept telling fancy rhymes and whatnot mentioning it.

      1. Gosh darn! Foiled again. What about Elementary? IRENE IS MORIARTY OHMIGOSH! Mwahahaha!

        I suppose Jenny and Madame Vastra aren’t that bad, I’ll give you that, but I think that even with the Whispermen, they could at least have done some investigating before going to the place that would actually. like, you know, do him in, as it were.

      2. I’m not quite sure, the episode just ended with her walking in, saying something in a posh English accent and Sherlock replying, ‘Moriarty’. Hopefully, all will be revealed next week…
        I don’t like this spoiling thing, actually. I feel sort of bad now.

      3. Don’t worry, I wasn’t really planning to watch Elementary, but the Irene being Moriarty interested me. I don’t think I’d be able to handle two Sherlock TV shows at the same time.

      4. Well Sherlock is definitely the one to watch if you have to pick one, though I might just think that because I’m a closet British supremacist… no, it is just actually better, though Elementary is better than similar shows that you could watch. Grimm, for example. Sigh.

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