Villains are underrated. Everybody seems to want them dead for some reason, despite the fact that they’re a million times cooler than the protagonist.
In celebration of villains, I decided to make a poorly written list of my favorite villains from fiction. If your favorite villain isn’t included, feel free to comment below, and we could have a long, (hopefully) civil debate over whether or not a villain is as cool as you or I say.
5) Pennywise the Dancing Clown (Also known as “IT”)
I do not like clowns. It is the reason why. This guy is what kept me up at night when I was five years old, after my asshole older brother made me watch the movie.
Ten years later, I’ve rewatched the movie and read the book. The book’s still pretty horrifying, but the movie is just laughable, except for shudders I get whenever Pennywise shows up on screen.
But, while watching the movie the other day, I had an epiphany: It is a nice guy (although It’s actually a girl). In fact, I now find myself routing for him. He’s actually doing a great job at cutting off the stupidity gene. Take one of the very first scenes of the book and movie: A little kid named Georgie loses his boat in a sewer, and when he looks into it, he meets a clown that defines the word creepy hiding in the sewer. Georgie fails to do the smart thing, which would really be any of the following common sense options:
- Tell an adult about the sinister clown hiding in your sewer.
- Do not converse with said clown.
- If the clown appears to know your name, despite the fact that you’ve never seen him before in your life, you should probably refer back to option 1.
- If the clown wants you to reach into the sewer to get back your worthless paper boat, you refuse.
Had Pennywise not killed Georgie right there, he would have gone on to have more stupid kids, who in turn would have given birth to even more stupid kids, and then Fahrenheit 451 happens. This is, of course, providing that Georgie doesn’t die from texting and driving or something. (Yes, I know they didn’t have phones back then, but still!)
In addition to being a creepy clown who eats people, It can also transform into anything you’re afraid of. It’s like a boggart, but a billion times more deadly.
4) The Weeping Angels
“Don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t blink. Good Luck.”
These lonely beasts are really only just stone statues. You can’t kill a stone, and a stone can’t kill you. That is, until you look away. The moment no one is looking, they stop being stones, instead being unimaginably fast monsters that can kill you in the blink of an eye.
If all they did was kill you, that would just be boring. Instead, the Weeping Angels send you back in time, let you “Live to death.” so they can feed off your time energy. That’s really not a bad way to die, plus it leads to some clever time-travel plots and paradoxes and whatnot. You can always count on an episode with the Weeping Angels to be a good one. These monsters put the Daleks to shame.
(Speaking of Daleks, am I the only one who thinks they are the most overrated monitors in Doctor Who?! Sure they show no other emotion but hate, but that’s no different than the kids in my eighth grade English class. They don’t look threatening. In fact, they look adorable, which is not good. Plus they have a freaking useless plunger as a weapon.)
Unlike all the other villains on this list, Magneto is the only one I actually feel bad for. He was a nice guy who had survived the holocaust, and later saw the same prejudice towards mutants, and decided he would never allow mutants to endure the same persecution that the jews did. So far, he seems like a nice guy.
Of course, he did kill a whole bunch of people, attempted to kill a whole bunch of other people, and became more prejudiced towards non-mutants than they were towards him. But besides that, he was pretty freaking rad.
I think the best type of villain (besides the down-right evil ones) is the one with good intentions, but uses immoral methods to achieve this goal, and that’s who Magneto is.
Plus, he once killed a man by draining all the iron out of the guy’s blood, then compacted the iron into a little ball, and used it to killed everyone within the prison and escaped. That’s pretty cool.
2) Dolores Umbridge
This woman (not the one in the picture above) is pure evil. She’s worse than the weeping angels and Pennyswise combined. She made Harry write “I must not tell lies,” over and over again, in his own blood, just because he pointed out some of the huge, gaping holes in her logic.
And she does this all while maintaining a cuddly, pink exterior. Had I not known any better, I would have thought by a picture of Umbridge (not the one above) that she was nothing more than my weird, crazy aunt. But she worse than that. Much, much worse than that. I wanted her dead more than
1) The Joker
He’s terrifying, crazy, unpredictable, and knows how to pull off a purple coat. He was able to mess with the minds of Gotham’s mob, police force, and every single citizen in the city. And he takes the time to put make up on right before he does this.
The Joker in The Dark Knight is easily the best version of the Joker yet. Heath Ledger’s acting was perfect, and it’s even better when you take a look at who Heath Ledger was in real life.
The picture to the left is him. Doesn’t he look like the nicest guy ever? He seems like the type of guy who would like… not kill people for a living.
In addition to being scary and hilarious at the same time, The Joker is also a criminal mastermind. He says he doesn’t have a plan, but we all know he does. No one can just spontaneously rig a hospital with C4; that takes months of sneakiness. Since the moment Batman came to town, The Joker has been taking notes, planning out the events of The Dark Knight.
In the movie, he has no origin story. No one knows where he came from or who he is. Now that’s just creepy.
Honorable Mentions: You-Know-Who, Darth Vader, The Master, Moriarty, Bane, The Man in Black, Tuco and The Terminator (the bad ones).