15 Rants in Under 1,000 Words.

[Caution: Slight Spoiler for A Song of Ice and Fire in the first rant.]

This post was inspired by this video. And if there’s any middle school followers reading this, watch this video, because nobody liked middle school.

I hope I don’t get any comments like, “Hey, be grateful for the life you have, you spoiled brat,” because I am grateful for just about everything, which I’ll be making a post about some time soon. Most of the things in this post shouldn’t taken seriously anyway.

Joffrey’s best moment on The Game of Thrones so far

1) Joffrey Baratheon Lannister, you need to go. According to a YouTube comment, you don’t die until the fourth book of A Song of Ice and Fire, and I am not okay with that. Everything you say makes me clench my fists with rage and want to watch the gif above for hours. And I don’t want you to die some noble death either, I want you to die from having paper cuts all over your body (and I mean every single inch) and then being thrown in a pool of hand sanitizer.

2) To the guy who came up with the idea to only sell hardcover novels for the first year or so after a book is released: I hate you. You have emptied the pockets of everyone who doesn’t use eBooks and got kicked out of his local library (so just me). A book should not cost twenty-five dollars more than its softcover counterpart. Sure, it’s a good idea from a marketing standpoint, but still. Have a heart.

3) To the kid in the back of my Social Studies class: yes, the primary language in England is in fact, English. The fact that you didn’t seem to be kidding is terrifying to us all.

4) What is the point of wearing a belt if you’re still going to let your pants sag? The entire point of a belt is to keep your pants up to your waist. If you’re not going to wear your belt properly, them sell it to a goddamn belt shop. Or you could give it to me, since I have a fondness for belt buckles.

6) I hate that I’m not entirely sure what a rant is, so I don’t know if any of these actually count.

7) I hate talking about things I hate because then I come off as a very angry person despite the fact that I am more than happy with my life right now. All I need is a pet dragon and I’d be perfectly content.

8) I get that David Tennant was a great Doctor, but he is not the only Doctor that matters, and I can’t be the only one frustrated with seeing comments like “They should bring back David Tennant once Matt Smith leaves,” “I stopped watching once Tennant left,” and “David Tennant was the only real Doctor.” The best part of Doctor Who is its ability to change every few years. We can’t just have one Doctor throughout the whole show (although I wouldn’t mind if Smith stayed forever and ever).

9) My family needs to start reading books more. I don’t think my brother has ever read a book for fun in years, and my mom has literally been reading the exact same book since I was five years old (The Memory Keeper’s Daughter). My dad’s the only one who reads for fun in this house, but he also refuses to read young adult books. I’m thinking about trading my family in for a new one some time soon.

10) I can’t stand people who walk too slow in the hallways at school. Yesterday I was trying to get to my bus and was stuck behind three people in an otherwise empty hall. There were only three of them, but it seemed like they strategically placed themselves so I couldn’t get past. Then they walked at the pace of a handicapped snail, not caring at all about the people behind them.

11) Even worse than slow walkers are people who blame the hallway traffic on the freshmen. The slow walking is in no way just the freshmen’s fault, nor is just about any other problem high school students seem to blame them on. I don’t get the hatred for them. Wouldn’t people think, “Hmm… I remember how badly I was treated as a Freshman. Now that I know what it’s like, maybe I should treat them better instead?” Apparently not.

12) I hate it when teachers make the whole class individually read part of a book/article out loud in front of everyone. Not only does this waste time, but it makes the whole class uncomfortable, especially when there’s that poor kid who stutters. Not only is everyone uncomfortable, but most of the students are also nervously trying to avoid eye contact with the teacher so he/she doesn’t make them read next. The only reasons I could think of for teachers doing this are to a.) make students miserable, or b.) waste as much time as possible.

13) Dear teachers everywhere: if you’re going to make it mandatory for students to use a three-ring binder for your class, HOLE PUNCH YOUR PAPERS, you evil, evil person.

14) There’s nothing worse than when two people get in a fight on the bus ride home from school. This was fine in middle school when school fights were the coolest thing ever, but high school students just want to go home. We have jobs to go to, homework to do, recreational drugs to experiment with. We don’t have time to deal with the bus stopping and having to wait for the police and the principal to drive over and sort things out.

15) I hate birdhouses, because they’re unfair to the rest of the animal kingdom. Not only can birds fly, which already gives them a huge advantage over the rest of the animals, but now they have humans building houses for them. Imagine how that makes the other animals feel.

27 thoughts on “15 Rants in Under 1,000 Words.

  1. *applause* I enjoyed this. As a longtime sufferer of hardcover syndrome, I see where you’re coming from– it’s such an amazing feeling to go into a bookstore right after a book is published, buy the book, and then just gawk at its nice hardcoveriness until it sits on your shelf for the rest of its life, but who honestly has the money for that? There are so many amazing books coming out all the time. At the same time books go into stores, they ought to come into libraries and be mailed (for free) to all the adoring fans.

      1. Book sales would go way down, as would the print book economy, but hey, we’re writers! If we don’t like the economy, we’ll write ourselves a new one.

  2. Re #3: In eleventh grade, I had a classmate who seriously thought that beef and the dark meat from chicken were the same thing. Thank god for college.

    1. The things that some people don’t know frightens me. Although I guess everyone has one or two mental gaps. I just found out a few days ago that I’ve been mispronouncing “Czechoslovakia” my entire life.

  3. haha, quite funny. And about those hardcover books: Did you know that libraries often THROW AWAY the dust jackets?? It’s incredibly wasteful, but the problem begins with the darn decision to make hardcover versions of the book!

    1. I always found the dust jackets to be a waste of money. Whenever I have a hard-cover book, I take them off too. Without it, the book just feels better in my hands. You know what’s even a bigger waste of money? When books have three or four blank pages in the beginning or end of them. Those pages have no business being there.

      1. Yes, I do find dust jackets annoying, but sometimes the artwork on the dust jacket is different than on the cover of the book itself…so it disappoints me to think that libraries throw them away.

  4. Haha this is incredible. I agreed with pretty much every one of those (especially the slow walkers. I mean, c’mon, what’s up with that?). #12 is absolutely my Romanticism teacher – she makes each person read one line of a poem each and keep circling until it’s over. The worst part is she doesn’t even join in herself. She just watches. And probably gloats. I also couldn’t help but read this in Hank’s voice which made it even better.

    1. My English teacher did the same thing to us last year. Then she had each of us read a full stanza out loud, because just a sentence wasn’t bad enough.

      I tried my best to imitate Hank’s way of talking for a couple points, especially #13.

  5. Haha this was great. Kinda wish I hadn’t read the first bit about the fourth Game of Thrones book. It always seems as though I read popular books once I already know everything that happens in them 😛 And sad high five for families that don’t read!

    1. *High fives*

      Yeah, sorry about that. But hey, I might be completely wrong about that. For all I know, that Youtube comment was written by a troll who likes to fake spoil things for new fans. There’s a lot of those, surprisingly.

    1. I’ll include this post’s sequel (because there will almost definitely be a sequel). I’m not sure what this says about society, but I’m gotten used to people messing them up, just like the you’re/your, and it’s/its. It’s so common that I’ve begun to accept them as a part of life.

  6. I agree with most of this post. Even though I didn’t go to middle school because I am not American, I can say that almost ALL schools across the world are like this. I understand that maybe you want to chat to a friend when walking through the hallways and that is rather hard to do when your friend is behind you, but SERIOUSLY?! Couldn’t you even just step away for a second to let someone pass? Also, freshman s(or as we call them in Britain ‘newbies’), can’t be the reason for hall-blockades as they are small, short and don’t take up half as much room as some of the idiots who make it their job to form huge friend-packs just to sit IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY! Another thing, I agree with the fact that they’re worryingly stupid pupils in schools. There used to be a boy called Ben Cook in my Welsh class who I generally thought was smart till the day he answered a question so wrong I wanted to tear my hair out. Basically, it was near the Christmas holidays so my Welsh teacher decided to have a quiz on random things from food to countries to languages. Then Ben’s turn came to answer a question, the lesson was coming to an end so the teacher just asked a easy question which was “what is the capitol of France?” and Ben answered (he really thought he was right by the way) “Argentina”.


    Argentina. The country that has nothing significant to do with France whatsoever. The future of humanity! Woo!

  7. As I stand and clap for this post I will say kid (which I’m sure you love to be called you’re welcome) you have ranting down quite precisely. I am proud of your skills already in life and I don’t even know you. Your ranting skills are impressive and entertaining and your writing is quite worthy of me reading…..Yes against my better nature I like reading when it’s stuff on your page

    1. Well that is just one of the nicest things anyone’s said in a while. Thank you.

      I just wish Joffrey had somehow ended up on Ramsay Snow’s cross. That would’ve been fun to watch.

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