(Click here for my review of “Two Swords.”)
Caution: Extreme Spoilers, but only for this episode and the episodes before it. Anything that happens afterwards in the books will not be mentioned.
What this episode should’ve been called: Finally!
I’m so glad Joffrey just kicked it, not only because he’s perhaps the most hateable villain I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching, but because now I can talk openly about his death. And man, what a satisfying death that was.
I mean, did you see his face? Blood was pouring out of just about every orifice, and I like to think he was in extreme pain, yet somehow in all this, Joffrey still managed to find a way to mess with Tyrion. By blaming him for his death. Which is a bit ridiculous because if anything, Tyrion should be rewarded for killing Draco Malfoy’s cousin.
I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler to say whether or not Tyrion is innocent, because for all I know some TV-viewers think he is, but I’m just going to say it: he didn’t kill him.* Tyrion isn’t dumb enough to poison Joffrey when he knew he’d be the number one suspect. Of course, he’s still going to be blamed for it, and that sucks. But surely they won’t kill off such a major character, right?
Also, Tyrion ends his “friendship” with Shae, in a scene that could’ve been heartbreaking had Shae been a convincing actress. Don’t give me those dirty looks; I didn’t buy into her tears for a second. Also, Shae: stop being so oblivious to how dangerous those pesky Lannisters are. It’s like you want to die.Meanwhile, the few minutes we actually got with Bran were actually somewhat interesting, but perhaps that’s just because I haven’t reached that part in the books. Were one of those visions (with the empty throne room) the same Daenerys saw in The House of the Undying? And does this mean Bran will finally figure out that the extremely close Lannister twins pushed him off that castle? (Though it’s not like he could do anything about it at this point.) Anyway, I just hope the best for Bran, but more importantly, I hope the best for Hodor.
Meanwhile, Melisandre gets an interesting scene with Stannis’s daughter, where she says, “There’s only one hell. The one we live in now,” which is a bit disappointing, because Joffrey better not be going to heaven.
I feel bad for Theon. (Show Theon, at least.) Being tortured for long periods of time is hardly fun, and it’s even less fun for those who have to sit through it every few episodes. Do we really need to keep seeing Ramsay do horrible things? We get the point. He’s evil. Let’s move on now. In fact, I seriously think season 3 would have been better off if Theon’s only appearance was in Mhysa (last season’s finale). It could’ve been a major shock to the audience, who’d be thinking, “Oh, so that’s what Theon’s been up to this whole time,” and not, “What body part is he going to lose now?”
Drawn out torture being implied>Drawn out torture being shown. I believe that was one of Pixar’s twenty-two storytelling tips.
That being said, I can’t wait to see where Theon’s storyline goes from this point on, because I’ve been told his chapters in A Dance with Dragons were some of the best in the series.
- I like how this episode had Joffrey pulling countless amounts of obnoxious stunts, varying from the dwarrs reenacting the War of the Five Kings to him slicing up Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding gift. I knew about fifty kids in middle school who are just like him.
- I’m a little upset they didn’t bring up an important revelation made in the books about Joffrey that would make everyone hate him even more. Book readers will know what I’m talking about.
- Foreshadowing, foreshadowing everywhere! Particularly in the music. First, The Rains of Castamere was played, and then afterwards we heard the same happy music that played right before everyone you loved died at the Red Wedding.
- Fun fact: the kid who plays Tommen is also the same kid who played one of the Lannister brothers in season 3; he was murdered by Karstark’s men. Also, Tommen is noticeably much less annoying than his older brother, so I think it’s safe to say he’d make a much better king.
Rating: “Out of ten? Eleven.”—The Doctor.
*Which is a shame, because if I could’ve chosen how Joffrey would die, I would’ve had Arya and Sansa take turns stabbing him while Tyrion held him down. But oh well, you can’t always get what you want. I’m a very sadistic person.