In Which I Fail Terribly at All of My Goals

This is going to be me in ten months

At the beginning of this summer, I set a lot of goals for myself, and then I immediately forgot about those goals and just sort of dicked around for the next two months. Needless to say, I did not accomplish many of them. Now that school is back in session, I believe it’s time to look back at the past two months, and reflect on how horribly I’ve wasted them.

Goal #1: Get buff.

Yeah, I didn’t have much hope for this one. I did do some push-ups at one point, though, so I suppose this wasn’t a complete failure.

Goal #2: Get a sexy tan.

I’ve been doing the drive-thru at McDonald’s a lot lately, and what happens is that only one side of my body tends to hit by the sun, (thanks to the roof and the windows and whatnot), which results in coming home with sunburn on the left side of my face. (Sunburn. Never a tan.) Twas a failure, I say.

Goal #3: Finally Take Advantage of my Netflix Account

I didn’t take as much advantage of this as I could have, (still haven’t caught up on Daredevil), though I have watched a lot of movies lately. Has anyone seen Mad Max: Fury Road? Because that movie was mad good. (har!)

Success level: eh.

Goal #4: Confront My Inner Demons:

did confront one of my inner demons, actually. He beat me up and took my money. Not sure if this counts or not.

Goal #5: Get featured on Engie’s Quarterly Rewinds.

Basically, Engie (who’s secretly John Green, but that’s not more important right now) recaps each season, and in said recap she features her five favorite posts from other bloggers. And if I don’t step up my game by the twenty-first of June, I probably won’t make it. Mostly because I’ve barely been posting lately. I blame the government. Oh, and chairs. Fuck you, chairs.

So I didn’t make the spring rewind, but I still have a chance to make the next one. I just gotta fire the ol’ noggin right up and write the greatest post of all time. Shouldn’t be too hard.

Goal #6: Finish that book I’ve been writing. 

Still not finished, but I am close to the end. Then again, I’m not nearly as close as I’d hoped I’d be.

Goal #7: Get Beta Readers

Oh, that reminds me: would anyone like to be my beta reader? I’m not an expert at the whole thing, but I’m pretty sure this is how I’d like it to go:

  1. I would send you my WIP via google drive, (or possibly another format if you prefer).
  2. Because I’ve found that google drive gets a bit laggy once you write more than 30k words, I’m dividing my story into three parts, Suzanne Collins style. I’ll send you one act at a time, and once you’re finished with that I’ll send you the next one.
  3. Presumably you’ll provide comments and feedback and whatnot with each act.
  4. I will say “thank-you,” and hand you twelve thousand dollars for your hard work.
  5. Point #4 may not be true.

8) Get to do the drive-thru more at McDonalds.

Aha! The one goal on this list I can proudly say I’ve accomplished with flying colors. In fact, I now do the drive-thru so often that I’ve gotten bored of the whole thing. Plus I got a whole bunch of stories of all the crazy, sometimes horrible people that come through the drive-thru, that I will tell you all in time. Spoiler alert: there’s sooooooooo many high people, it’s ridiculous.

9) Actually finish a book.

Aha! I finished book two and three of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series. They’re graphic novels that are all about . . . well, I don’t really know what they’re all about yet. There’s this guy called Morpheus who’s the Lord of the Dream Realm, and he’s pretty much the chillest guy ever.

10) Take advantage of my Six Flags pass

I didn’t go to Six Flags at all this year. 😦 Mostly because my aunt never bought us the season pass, as I’d expected. She decided not to because, what with all of us (my siblings and I) having jobs this summer, she figured we wouldn’t have time to find a day to make the two-hour drive to the park. Y’know, despite the fact that it would’ve taken only the slightest bit of effort for the three of us to make take off on the same day. Really, I think she’s just mad because we last year we went to Six Flags and didn’t take her son with us.


I may have failed horribly with my goals, but perhaps you did a tiny bit better. Feel free to tell how you did in the comments. Or if you don’t want to do that, you could try to guess what color eyes I have. (Winner gets a high five.)

9 thoughts on “In Which I Fail Terribly at All of My Goals

  1. HES BACK!!
    My summers been a little like this too. The main thing being that I told myself I would save up some money and have a savings account… But now there is too much month at the end of my money and I’m likely going to be spending the first weeks of university living off pot noodle.
    But hey- don’t feel too bad about not hitting summer goals. The point of summer is that you get to laze around and do whatever you like, right? I’m not going to look back in 3 years and think “Damn it, I wish I had less fun and did more saving up that summer!” And I’m sure you won’t be looking back thinking, “I wish i’d done more push-ups!” (Unless this happens to have some kind of dire consequence in the future…hopefully not)
    And anyway, maybe it’ll make you feel slightly better to know that summer in the UK literally lasted around two weeks in total. Two weeks spread over three months, every sunny day popping in randomly between lashings of constant rain. I spent most of my summer indoors playing video games. Even when it was sunny you couldn’t trust it not to rain later in the day.
    Good old Britain.

    P.S- would love to be a beta reader! I VOLUNTEER!!!!!!

    1. Ha! Though over the last few weeks I’ve found myself wishing for a more London-y climate.(It’s was so hot and humid here in the last few weeks, and my school has no air-conditioning. It finally rained yesterday and it was the greatest day ever.)

      Woohoo! Though you should be warned that it may be a while before you’re sent anything. Hopefully not too long, but I’ve shown myself to be very unpredictable when it comes to writing speed.

  2. This post has made me feel less pathetic, which I greatly appreciate. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who severely fails at achieving goals. (Although it’s slightly concerning that I needed to read about your failures to feel better about my own.. Whatever..) Also, I would like to assure you that you need not worry about #3 because I most certainly watched enough Netflix for you, me, and at least half of the world’s population.

  3. I’d say you achieved the important/tenable goals, anyway.

    P.S. Could you change your sidebar to point to my new site?

    1. Thank you. I’ve found that it really fits my dualistic personality. I’ve lately taken to the hobby of flipping a coin and shooting people who’ve done me wrong.

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