In Which I Complain About Literally Everything

This picture makes me green with envy

I hate the fact that, according to the new Oxford dictionary, the title above makes grammatical sense. Just because a bunch of idiots misused the word literally, doesn’t mean you have to change the definition of the word just to suit them. That’s like legalizing methamphetamine just because some people really, really like the drug. It simply ain’t right.

(And yes, using the word literally to describe something figurative is just as bad as doing meth. You all need help.)

Why do spiders build webs in places where they are bound to come into contact with humans? My family and I went away for a two days last summer and when we came back, there was a giant web right on the staircase of my front porch, with a big ol’ scary spider just chilling right on it. And I’m like, come on, Mr. Spider. Why would you pick this place to build your home when you know we’ll have to cross through it multiple times on a daily basis? You didn’t actually think this would work out well for you, did you?

I hate when I see a Top Ten List of something, and then I click on it to find just a list of those things with no explanation. For example, there’ll be a post like “My Top Ten Favorite Books,” and they’ll just be a list of titles that mean nothing to me. “Really?” I find myself thinking to the author of said post. “You’re not going to add at least a sentence or two to let us know why you liked this book so much?”

In other news, these colleges really need to hurry up. I’ve heard back from one of them already, (thanks, Oswego!) but all the other ones are taking their sweet ass time getting back, and the stress is literally killing me.

(God I hate myself.)

I hate how the biggest winter storm in years took place last Saturday, and it completely missed my house, probably just to spite me. I live about an hour’s drive from New York City, and New York City got record amounts of snow. So much snow, in fact, that this happened:

How much snow did I get? Less than an inch. And you can’t snowboard on a street with less than an inch of snow. You can’t even have a snowball fight without mixing some rocks into it. This leads me to wonder: did I piss off the Snow Gods or something? I’d love to know what I’ve done wrong to deserve this. 

Speaking of snow . . .

Whenever I go to the dentist, I end up waiting in the lobby for over an hour, and the only thing on the TV is either Judge Judy or Dr. Phil, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they are the two most unlikable people on the face of the earth. They’ve done more to make me care about my dental hygiene than the actual process of getting a root canal itself. If I could go the rest of my life without ever having to watch their shows again, I would die a happy man.

I’m serious here. Just the very existence of both those people makes my blood boil. WHY DO THEY HAVE FANS? I’ll never know.

How come I don’t get nominated for blog awards anymore? I know I made it clear that I didn’t want to do them, but I didn’t actually think you people would listen. 

I hate that I have no one but myself to blame for that last complaint.

I hate touching cloth and furniture after cutting my nails. 

I’m still upset that the woolly mammoths have gone extinct, because how cool would it be to have them around today? Thanks a lot, cavemen. 

I hate ending a post on an abrupt note.

Thanks for Stopping by, Winter. Now Can You Go Now?

Each summer of each year, I find myself longing for winter to come. In my defense, nothing seems better when you’re being eaten alive by bugs in August’s 100 plus degree weather. Then, each year, winter returns, reminding me of how stupid I was just a few months ago.

Winter, at least in New York, is basically a three-to-five month dead period in which it’s too cold to do anything fun outside. All the plants are dead, all the trees look dead, and all the adorable chipmunks are nowhere to be found. The outside world is almost completely devoid of life. I always forget about that during the Summer for some reason.

And for some reason, I always forget that snow is cold. It’s like, below freezing temperature! Although snow tastes good (so much better than tap water, for some reason), I dislike it due to the fact that getting hit in the face with a snowball is an incredibly painful experience, and I’ve been through a lot of painful experiences. The top 3 is:

  1. That time when I was asked if I wanted to join the “Pen 15” club in seventh grade. I didn’t get the joke until it was too late and suffered from a painful humiliation that still haunts me to this day.
  2. That time I poured cereal into the bowl before checking to make sure there was milk in the fridge. There wasn’t.
  3. Getting a concussion and two broken ribs in a car crash when I was eight.

Getting hit with a snowball would probably be listed somewhere between two and three. Snowballs are basically bombs made out of compacted ice thrown full-force at your face that explode on impact. I wouldn’t wish snowballs on my enemies! Except maybe Dolores Umbridge.

I use a lot of pictures from 9GAG

There’s nothing to do in the winter but watch TV and mindlessly roam the internet. That’s one of the reasons why I’m writing this to begin with. Snowball fights stop  being fun once you get hit in the face (I believe I’ve made my point on this fact earlier), sledding gets repetitive after thirty minutes, and snowboarding/skiing cost hundreds of dollars along with a 99.9% mortality rate, which really just makes me wonder why anyone skis to begin with. [Note: the accuracy of certain statistics on this blog may be exaggerated just a little bit. In my defense, it’s more fun to make up stuff than to research them.]

Old Man Winter is sort of like that one friend which I assume everyone has that is only fun to hang out with for an hour or so. Then you get bored with him/her (let’s call him a he to save time), and try to give subtle hints that you want him to go. Yet he simply does not get the message, and ends up hanging out with you long past his welcome and you start to wonder why you even invited him over to begin with.

I believe I’ve complained about Winter for long enough. This was my second ever post on WordPress, and so far I’m happy with the way my blog’s turning out. Thanks to everyone who liked or subscribed to my first post!

Oh, and most adults hate winter. Most likely due to heating and electricity bills and having to drive to work in snow. I feel like I should have mentioned that.