More Than I Can Chew: A Look Back

For those who don’t know, two years ago I started writing an interactive blog story about two identical twins, one of whom had made a business out of selling gum to his fellow high school students. When one of his gum-selling employees decides to go rogue, a series of insane, potentially life-ruining events go down. No one is the same.

At the end of each chapter, there’d be poll that would allow the reader to decide which direction they wanted the story to go in. It was a good writing exercise: to write a cohesive story while staying true to the characters, despite having little to no control over the plot.

It had been a long time since I’d so much as thought about More Than I Can Chew, and what reading it over, a few things surprised me. So I decided to write a post about my thoughts on the project, almost two years after it ended, partly for nostalgic purposes but mostly for shameless self-promotion.

Click here if you want to read it!!!

1) Kathy is still cool.

I’m going to be honest: I had no intention of writing an older sister into the story for the first three chapters. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me until I realized that Wyatt was only 15, and he’d need someone to drive him around for this story to work. So I created Kathy, who was technically a plot device, but ended up being the heart of the story. (Or at least, I thought she was the heart of the story. Remember when she took the blame for something Wyatt did, even though she didn’t have to? That was sweet.)

2) A lot of the writing needed work.

There was a bit more telling than there should’ve been, and too many adverbs. I kind of want to go back to those posts and just revise everything, but I won’t. Because the past is the past, and it should stay that way. (Could I sell it as an ebook?)

3) Adrien wasn’t particularly likable in the beginning, was he?

He kept going on about how much he hated his brother, and I was like, “Damn, Adrien. Wyatt barely thinks about you at all. Move on. Get your own hobby.”

Adrien’s unlikeability can be boiled down to two problems:

1. He was a big ol’ Mopey Gus in the beginning.
2. He didn’t really do anything, at first. He just went to the bathroom, then got captured. I think Past Me realized this, because Past Me started giving him as much agency as the circumstances would allow, and I think it helped a lot.

4) Things went by a lot faster than I remembered.

So they were both in school, then Adrien gets kidnapped, now Wyatt and Kathy are driving to a park to pick him up. Now Adrien’s in the ER, Wyatt’s smashing furniture, and now Kathy’s managing to drive home, to the hospital, to the furniture store, and back home in record time. The whole story would’ve been about sixty pages long in book form, which is crazy considering just how much went down.

I’m not sure if this was a problem for anyone else, or if it only felt this way because I was reading it in on my phone, but things definitely felt like they were going by way too fast. Maybe that’s just my old age speaking. *shrugs*

5) The ending wasn’t as bad as I remembered.

It was a little abrupt, but not gonna lie, I think I’d be okay with this ending if I were just an unknowing reader. However, I’m a fan of ambiguous endings and most people aren’t, so I understand why some people may have been frustrated, and asking me questions like, “What happened to Diesel?” or “Was the money really counterfeit?” and “Is anyone going to jail? I feel someone should be thrown in jail.”

To which, I finally answer those questions, for those of you who are still around.

1. Diesel was lying about his name the whole time. When he met Wyatt outside that hockey game back in ninth grade, he told him his name was Diesel because he wanted to see if Wyatt was dumb enough to believe it. Wyatt was. For several weeks prior to the start of this story, Diesel was quietly scheming his way to get the $10,000.
   • You may remember how, at the end, the characters decided to blame everything on Diesel? Well, the police were never able to find a Diesel, because no one in that high school had that name.
     • Basically, Diesel got away with everything.
2. The money was not counterfeit. That was just Diesel being a criminal mastermind. It worked.
3. Chances are, Fiona and Conner are going to have to do some community service. Fiona’s probably getting expelled, what with the whole, “organizing a kidnapping on school grounds” thing. I think James might be going to jail, because in order for Adrien not to get in trouble for almost killing him, he’d have to press charges on him for assault, and maybe kidnapping. The American legal system’s tricky, y’all.

All in all, I’m glad I wrote it; I just wish I had finished it within a reasonable amount of time. But hey, that’s my biggest flaw as a writer. I can’t finish. Even when I have the ending planned out, I end up losing interest and moving on to another project. Which, yeah, is a bad idea.

So I’ll end this post with some advice to all those beginner writers out there: finish your damn manuscripts. I don’t care how bad your first draft is, or if you just came up with a better story and you want to write that instead. Get it done, or you will be a failure, and you will die sad and alone in a tiny house in New Hampshire while everyone you ever loved will have nothing but contempt for you. Or your writing just won’t improve. Whichever’s worse.

The Way of Kings, A Dance With Dragons Review (No Spoilers!)

Yes, this was stolen from Liam, Head Phil. You didn’t actually think I’d come up with an original idea, did you? Anyway, enjoy. There are no spoilers, so you can read each one.

The Way of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson

So now that I’ve finished all the available ASoIaF books, it appears I’ve found a new epic fantasy to become obsessed with, one that’s almost just as great.

This book has just about everything I could want in an epic fantasy novel: Multiple interesting, realistic characters? Check. A rich, well thought out world that’s not described in page long info dumps? Check. An apocalyptic disaster bound to happen later on in the story? Check again. That’s three for three, if you were keeping track.

There were a lot of battle scenes in this book, and not a single one of them lacked tension. The first three chapters, including the prelude and the prologue*, all feature epic battles that could’ve been the climax of some other, lesser fantasy series. Despite feeling like a video game at times, I flew right through them.

The only thing that really annoyed me were the cheesy “Storm you!” curses. Yes, I understand that this is a completely different culture with different swear words and all, but I can’t stand it when authors try to replace real curse words. It never sounds authentic. I even put “never” in bold to further empathize this point. I would be reading a huge, heartbreaking scene, and then a character would shout out “Storm off!” and it would immediately take me out of the story. I managed to suck it up and enjoy the rest of the book, but still. Knock it off, Sanderson.

Also, Shallan (my favorite character) really needs to work on her sense of humor. People in the story kept calling her clever, and maybe she was, but I would just roll my eyes at her supposed wittiness most of the time it popped up. Maybe this was intentional, but another character, nicknamed Wit, had a lame sense of humor too. The jokes mostly felt like the author thinking he was clever. (And he is clever, just not in a funny way.)

(Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t understand comedy? It’s possible.)

If you’re a fan of morally ambiguous characters, you’ll be disappointed. Of the three major characters, Shallan is the only one with real shades of grey. But just because they’re not dark, gritty anti-heroes, doesn’t mean they’re not interesting in their own right, which in a world of Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad, seems to be a common belief. Kaladin and Dalinar are both basically saints, considering the situations they’ve been put in, but they’re very complex saints, who are good at killing other people.

Rating: 4/5.

*That’s right. There’s a prelude and a prologue. Deal with it.

A Dance with Dragons, by George R. R. Martin

So here’s a list of some of the complaints I’ve seen about this book:

• “Nothing happens.” (False.)
• “Half the book is just describing the types of food.” (Also false.)
• “The quality of the series is deteriorating.” (Eh, not really.)
• “The author better not die before finishing the series.” (Well you’re just a terrible person.)
• “Martin has lost control of the plot.” (Oh shut your damn mouth.)
• “Too many descriptions of bodily functions.” (Okay, I’ll give you that.)

For the first half of the novel, some of these complaints appeared to be true. At first I was just glad to be back with Jon, Tyrion, and Dany (whose chapters I’ve been looking forward to during the entirety of A Feast for Crows), but suddenly I found myself annoyed with the sheer amount of time they were given. They got about thirteen/twelve chapters each while Davos only got four chapters, Bran three and Arya two, which sucks because Bran and Arya easily had some of the best chapters in the whole series.

I wouldn’t have minded if not for the fact that both Tyrion and Daenerys’ chapters weren’t nearly as interesting as they used to be. For the first five hundred pages or so, Tyrion was a shell of his former self, wallowing in self-loathing, making the occasional misogynist remark and generally just being no fun to read about. Even the interesting stuff surrounding him wasn’t enough to keep me engaged. It wasn’t until the second half that Tyrion actually became likeable once again.

Daenerys, meanwhile, had the most frustrating storyline, for reasons that should become obvious while reading it. Luckily, her storlyine picked up speed in the second half, including one incredible badass moment (that I can’t wait to see the HBO series adapt) that almost makes everything worth it.

The reason for the lull in the first half, I think, is because of the aborted five year jump. Martin had originally planned to skip five years after all the crazy shit that went down in A Storm of Swords, but decided against it because he would’ve needed too many flashbacks. As a result, The entirety of A Feast for Crows and the first half of A Dance of Dragons were just the author filling in that gap. And once that gap was finished (When you start seeing A Feast for Crows POV characters pop us) is when things start moving at the speed you’d find in the first three books.

Though I still love the series and can’t wait for The Winds of Winter, there were still a lot of problems with this novel. Mainly, the POV chapters. A lot of them could’ve been cut out, or just condensed to a single paragraph. Quentyn’s first two to three chapters were pointless. So, (arguable) were Victarion’s. Jon Snow’s first chapter added nothing,, and a lot of Dany and Tyrion’s early chapters should’ve been edited down. I miss the first three books, where important events were occasionally allowed to happen off-screen.

Despite it’s flaws, I loved it like Daenerys loves her dragons, though it wasn’t much of a novel. While the first three book all made terrific novels when taken by themselves, A Dance with Dragons and it’s predecessor were really just one big chunk of the story, with no real climax or resolution.

And I don’t get why some people think it’ll be impossible for Martin to wrap the series up in two books. A Dance with Dragons ends with multiple story lines about to converge and a whole bunch of major, groundbreaking events, so it’s going to be very, very hard for The Winds of Winter to not be amazing. Assuming the next two books have about the same pace as the first three, the series can easily be wrapped up in the planned seven volumes.

Rating: 3.5/5

Game of Thrones: Breaker of Chains Review

Caution: There will be spoilers in this review (duh) for every episode up to this point in the TV show. But nothing in the books will be spoiled, because books are for NEEEERRRDSSS!

(kidding)

First off, sorry this review is so late. In my defense, The Way Way Back aired on HBO just ten minutes after Game of Thrones, so I started watching that and it was so good I forgot everything that happened in this episode, (except for that one scene, but I’ll get to that later) so I had to watch it again.

A lot happened in this episode. To be more specific, a lot happened in this episode that didn’t happen in the books, which makes sense, I guess. Because I know about all the great, mind-blowing scenes that should take place in episodes eight, nine and ten (and maybe seven), but I don’t remember exactly what will take place until then. Luckily, I liked most of the changes, so this isn’t going to be a problem for me.

Let’s start off with the opening scene: Sansa and that fool Dontos are running away from the chaotic mess of a wedding while tense music plays in the background. And then they get on a boat with Littlefinger, that sneaky guy who’d probably be registered as a sex offender (or worse) if he lived in our society. After casually killing Dontos, Baelish then explains how the necklace was used to poison Joffrey. The audience now knows that either a) he was the mastermind behind Joffrey’s poisoning, or b) This is all just one hell of a coincidence. But that leaves the question of who put the poison in Joffrey’s wine (or was it in the pigeon pie somehow?) since Littlefinger obviously wasn’t there. I think it was Joffrey himself was the one who did it, if only to frame Tyrion for his death.

Tywin was the MVP of this episode, as he talked with Tommen about what makes a good king, not even attempting to hide his apathy over Joffrey’s death. (Speaking of which, did the actor playing Joffrey just have to lay down completely still for the whole scene? The poor guy.)

The one scene I really didn’t like was the one where Jaime raped Cersei. I’ve read about the showrunner’s intent with the scene and I at least know where they were coming from, but I still wasn’t a fan. Jaime’s supposed to be on a redemption arc, and his storyline is widely considered one of the best in the series because of this. And that one scene screwed the whole thing up. You can’t make a character likeable by having him rape his twin sister inches away from his dead son. One of book Jaime’s (and show Jaime’s, at least until now) redeeming features was his attitude towards rape. As in, he strongly disapproved, and he had at least one man beheaded for it. I feel like this scene betrayed his character, and that’s not cool.

It’s going to be very, very tough to make Jaime likeable after this scene. (Although admittedly, I would’ve said the same thing after he attempted murder on Bran in the first episode.) And I’d consider this to be the only big mistake the show’s made so far.

In other news, Sam is an idiot. In order to protect Gilly from possibly getting raped by other members of the Night’s Watch, he sends her to a disgusting, dirty brothel-like place that looks more like a meth den than anything else. You’d think after killing an ice zombie, he’d be a little more confident and bit less of a wimp. I still like Sam, after all he’s perhaps the most relateable character in the series, but it feels he hasn’t grown as a character at all.

Meanwhile, Ygritte’s helping a bunch of cannibals slaughter a village that seems to filled with mostly just women and children, Jon tells the Night’s Watch that those people at Craster’s might possibly cause some trouble, and Stannis is trying to take credit for Joffrey’s death.

Shut up, Stannis. You didn’t do shit. You just burned a bunch of people to death and complained a lot. The good news is, at least Davos has something to do, now that’s he’s sending a letter to the Bank of Bravvos. Would you care to let the audience in on your plan here, Davos? No? You’d rather just be all coy about it? Fine with me.

This doesn’t have a whole lot to do with this episode, but I find it funny.

In other news:

• Tyrion has a sad scene with Podrick Payne, showing just how much better of a person Tyrion is, compared to just about everyone else in King’s Landing. He has a conscience! Love it when people have those. Plus it goes to say that Podrick was the coolest kid in Westeros, even before he turned out to be a sex god.* He’s like Duncan from The Way, Way Back, but just a little bit taller.
• Arya and the Hound were just as entertaining as ever in this episode. Can they just start solving mysteries already, please?
• Daenerys’ final scene was great (because symbolism!). I don’t know about you guys, but I like this new version of Daario. That may be because I don’t remember him at all from the books.
• Those cannibal wildling people are creepy.

My rating: Probably around a seven. The Way Way Back was much more groovy.

So what did you think, reader? Were you surprised by the Littlefinger reveal? Were you mad at the Jaime-Cersei scene? Are you disappointed that Tommen isn’t an obese eight-year old, and he doesn’t have a fondness for kittens? I know I am.

I want Tommen to look like this kid!

I Am The Messenger, a Review (No Spoilers!)

From Goodreads

This book was the reason why I never finished Pet Sematary, by Stephen King. Well, Pet Sematary was so depressing it make Mockingjay look like a happy ending, so that might have explained my willingness to throw the book away in exchange for this one, but I’m sure the main reason for it was this book’s opening scene.

I was in the library for study hall, and I had a very important assignment due next period. So of course I spent the first fifteen minutes of the period wandering around the fiction section. I found I am the Messenger, a book I was planning to read after I finished a bunch of other books. But within the first two paragraphs, I was instantly hooked, and was forced to check it out immediately.

Best. Opening Scene. Ever. My laughter was so hard that some engineers bought if from me and ended up using it as a replacement for concrete. It starts off with a bank robbery. Sounds like a tense situation, right? Not right. The robber is pathetically bad at robbing and the main characters are more annoyed at the inconvenience of the whole thing, rather than scared of the prospect, of you know, dying.

The main character, Ed, ends up stopping the bank robber (surprisingly easy considering how stupid the guy was), and is temporarily a hero. Which is unusual for him since he’s nineteen, has a low-paying taxi-driving job, no real career, is pitifully bad with the ladies, and has no motivation to do anything else with his life.

Then a card shows up in the mail with three addresses. One of them leads to a kind, old woman suffering from loneliness and some type of amnesia. The other one leads to a shy, self-conscious girl who runs a lot. The last one leads to a brutal abusive father who rapes his wife every single night.

Well that escalated quickly.

Since this is one of those no-spoiler reviews, I won’t tell you how this all works out, except that throughout the book, Ed continues to get playing cards, each of them leading to a person who needs help, and it’s his job to help them out. This is the type of plot I wish I had written, because I love the idea of helping out random people you don’t even know, and I love watching other people do these things too. That’s why I loved videos such as Vlogbrother’s Positive Pranking and Nigahiga’s Christmas Ninja videos shown below.

Also, the writing is cool.
Sometimes, Zusak writes like this.
With one sentence as a paragraph.
Just one line.
A bunch of times.
Some people might not like this.
But I do.
It emphasized the emotion.
And importance.
Of the moment.
Oh, and the figurative language was beautiful.
It was almost poetical.
Like a lion.

I loved this book up until the last twenty pages or so. But until then, this book was perfect. Unlike the Book Thief, which was heart-breakingly sad, this book had a warm, fuzzy Christmas-y feeling to it, which I loved. My favorite part of the book was when Ed had to help his friends, Marv, Richie and Audrey. It was that part of the book that made the characters memorable. (Except Audrey. Audrey was sort of forgettable and didn’t add much to the story.) Richie’s problem especially spoke out to me, since it’s so relatable, and Marv’s story was heart-breaking (figuratively),and it added a million times more depth to his character.

Then the book had one of the worst endings I’ve ever read. (And I thought some of Stephen King’s endings were bad!) The ending, to me at least, made no sense at all. It felt like the author couldn’t think of a decent ending, so he just added that on with twenty minutes left to the deadline. It took what could have been a perfect book, rivaling that of The Book Thief, but the ending ruined the whole thing for me.

Overall Rating: 3.5/5

Recommended for:

• People who haven’t read The Book Thief yet. Read this book first, so you can think, “Not too shabby,” and then read The Book Thief, so it could blow your mind socks off.
• People who enjoy a mystery/comedy/contemporary book.
• People who like playing cards.
• People with disproportionately large thumbs.
• Anyone who’s not easily offended (there’s a plethora of cursing in this book).

For those who’ve read the book, what did you think of it? Do you agree with me? Do you disagree with me? Do you not not maybe probably not really disagree with me? Comment below!