Seven Summer Lessons I’ve Learned So Far

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. In my defense, when people told me that the summer before college would be nothing but sex and drugs and rock and roll, I assumed they were exaggerating. (First lesson of summer 2016: don’t assume anything.)

Okay, so maybe I myself was exaggerating a bit there, but I have indeed been busy lately. Once school ended I had to attend a string of graduation parties, ceremonies and what-have-yous. Plus now that I’m eighteen and school’s out I’ve been working very long hours. I also started volunteering at a hospital nearby, so that’s cool.

(Lesson #2: Don’t expect much from volunteering at a hospital, at least if you’re still a high school student. My first day they had me cleaning the railings in the hallway and I was told, “feel free to take as long as you want with this, because we have nothing else for you to do.” I still had six hours left on my shift.)

(That being said, I don’t regret volunteering there. The conversations you can listen in on are a writer’s goldmine.)

I also made the mistake of buying Grand Theft Auto V, which is stealing all my time. I know, I know. I should take responsibility instead blaming my problems on a game, but in my defense that game is like heroin. Offensive, lazily misogynist heroin. 

(I am ashamed.)

Then the other day I went to my college orientation, and I’ve been on edge ever since. Part of me can’t wait to pack my bags and start this new experience, and the other part of me is constantly whispering nerve-wracking thoughts into my brain. “What if you flunk out?” “What if you have no friends and everyone hates you?” “What if your roommate is the next Ted Cruz?”, and my only coping mechanism thus far has been to browse through the millions of advice articles for incoming freshman out there. They all say pretty much the same things. Does that stop me from reading them? Nah.

(Lesson #3: The food in my college is really good. Either that, or they keep the quality up during orientation and let it slide during the actual school-year.)

(Lesson #4: Don’t get the pancakes during breakfast at college, because you will be unable to find butter or syrup and will have to eat it plain. I ate a naked pancake, guys. It was awful.)

How else have I been spending this summer? I watched Finding Dory and binge-watched Orange is the New Black, and currently have zero regrets regarding either decision.

(Lesson #5: Just keep swimming.)

Now, you may be wondering just what it was exactly that snapped me out of my laziness enough for me to write this post. Mainly it was an incident with a customer at my job that pissed me off. I was no longer angry about it by the time I got home, but it made me think about all the other stuff I want to blog about. Like my aunt’s crazy, incoherent rants about Obama, or the fact that it’s no longer considered okay to drink out of a hose. Oh, and Matt Walsh. Fuck that guy.

At the end of this long thought process I realized that I’ve neglected my blog for too long, and made a mental note to jump back into things. Y’know, just after I run over some hookers with a stolen police car on GTA V.

(Lesson #6: there’s nothing like a little righteous anger to get you motivated.)

(Lesson #7: playing Grand Theft Auto turns you into a terrible person.)

Long story short: I’m back, bitches.

In Which I Am a Giant, Thundering Ball of Happiness

Okay, so you know how I said I was accepted into the spring semester at Binghamton? And how they almost definitely weren’t going to take me for the fall semester?

(I think you know where this is going.)

Well I just received a phone call from the admissions adviser and you guys won’t believe who’s going to Binghamton this August.

(Me. It’s me.)

I’ve decided to use a bunch of gifs to describe my feelings right now:

excited seinfeld happy dance exciting celebrate

Source: Mostlyinnocent.tumblr.com

FOX International Channels reaction dancing happy simpsons

Source: Fox?

celebration will ferrell paul rudd steve carell anchorman

Do I really need to include a source for this?

So, yeah. They took me in for the fall semester, for some strange reason. I mean, did they not see my GPA? I am a good fifteen points below the usual range for admitted students. 

But I ain’t one to argue with a good thing, so I’ll just enjoy this feeling, and hope that they didn’t just confuse me for another Matthew Black, one with better grades and more extra-curricular activities. But as of right now, it all seems legitimate, so let this be a lesson to all the younger and more impressionable students reading this right now: don’t bother trying.

Judging from my experience, all you have to do is put the bare minimum amount of effort into your schoolwork, don’t even bother with any extra-curricular activities, and people will just hand you things on a silver platter. Turns out, life really is all sunshine and lollipops after all.

Okay, so maybe this isn’t true, because my laziness over the past two years have really screwed me over when it comes to scholarships, and while the cost of a SUNY school isn’t nearly as high as most colleges, it’s still pretty high, and it’s gonna be rough having to pay that off.

Also, I can’t imagine that my college courses are gonna be as easy for me to slack off in as my high school classes, but then again, I don’t plan on slacking off this fall. (Because college costs tens of thousands of dollars whereas public high school costs basically nothing.) Then again, I’m afraid I may have lost the studying habits I used to have in eighth grade, back when I thought that dipping below a 90 average would destroy my life. Hopefully I’ll go back to that level, because the fear of flunking out should be enough to motive me for at least a semester or two.

*shrugs*

Oh well, I’m very excited right now, for reasons I will list in bullet form:

  • I’ll be able to quit McDonald’s in August instead of next January! Which is good because I don’t think I could handle an extra five months there. I do plan to work again just for winter vacation, as a lot of employees have done, but hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I should actually enjoy being back at the store for a couple weeks again.
  • I will no longer be the one child left in the house this fall, meaning that I will not be called upon every single time the lawn needs mowing, or the dishes need to be cleaned.
  • Mostly though, I just did not expect this to happen, because when I went on tour the admissions counselor told me that it was very, very unlikely that they’d be taking anyone off the waiting list at all, and I had accepted the fact that I’d have to wait till late January to start off on my own. 

I suppose I should mention, though, that my original plan to go on an official hiatus when I started college in August will be happening after all, which means that I only have three months and twenty-ish days left before I say good-bye to this blog forever.

(Okay, not forever, but for at least a couple weeks.)

So I will do my very best to make that time count, hopefully ending these past three years of blogging on a high note. This may be tough, because with graduation parties, a weirdly high amount of birthdays coming up, and the end of high school coming soon, I’m going to be pretty busy.

Knowing my past history, it doesn’t seem likely that I can succeed in posting as consistently as I did in my glory days, but I’m currently in an optimistic mood (mostly ’cause of the whole college thing) so I think that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to pull this off.

Until next time,

Matthew Palonius Black.

(Yes, my middle name is Palonius. Don’t question me on this.

The Little Engine Tag: (That’s right. I’m starting my own tag)

So I did an award post a couple months ago, and a thought occurred to me while filling it out: why can’t I make my own blog tag thingy? For one thing, I’d make sure all the questions are actually fun and thought-provoking, and can’t simply be answered with a boring one or two word answer, which is often the case. Also, I’d get free publicity! And I’d provide all those suffering from writer’s block some much-needed relief.

(I hear writer’s block is at its worst in the spring. Okay so I made that up, but it’s probably true.)

So I went ahead and invented my own blog tag, and here it is.

It’s called the Little Engine tag, because why not? The picture above is to be included in all future responses to this tag, unless the blogger in question simply doesn’t want to include it. In that case I am powerless to stop them.

Naturally, there are some rules to this tag, namely:

  1. Each answer you give to a question has to be more than two sentences long. Or at the very least, you have to make those two sentences meaningful.
  2. There will be two bonus questions at the end, that the blogger gets to change to whatever they want to ask when they nominate someone else. The first six questions, however, are set in stone.
  3. At the end you must nominate three to five other bloggers. Okay, so you don’t have to, but that would be nice if you could. (I want my blog name to spread on for all of eternity.)
  4. You know how sometimes in quiet classrooms, they’ll be that one guy clicking his pen fifty times a second, and it’s annoying as hell to everyone else? Yeah, don’t be that guy. This doesn’t apply to this tag so much, but more to life in general.

Now, onto the questions, which are:

1.) What’s one of your biggest pet peeves?

(This question was designed to let you rant about something people do that bugs you. For example:)

I for one, hate when people call me “buddy.” It just always feels condescending, even when it isn’t mean to be. I also hate people call me “dumbass,” for more obvious reasons.

2) What is your favorite song at the moment?

(I included this question because I want to be exposed to more music.)

One song that’s been consistently in my head for the past six months is Where is my Mind? by the Pixies. I heard it on The Leftovers and I’ve been loving it ever since. It is the perfect song to bob your head to.

3) Who is your favorite blogger?

(Besides me, of course.)

Right now I’d pick The Mostly Confused Teenager, despite the fact that she hasn’t posted for a while. It’s just that many of her posts like “Those Crazy American Commercials” and “Being French,” are hilarious and well-written and I would like to get more of them, please.

4) What’s the nicest thing you’ve seen someone do recently?

(You can also write about something you did, if you want.)

There was a little kid in a wheelchair at McDonald’s the other day who went up to the counter alone and asked for an ice cream cone. The problem was that he couldn’t hold the cone and still steer back to his table at the same time, so my manager went over and helped him out, despite the restaurant being very busy at the time. This surprised me because said manager is usually a very rude, standoffish woman, but apparently she has a soft spot for handicapped little kids. (Then again, who doesn’t?) So this was a nice heartwarming moment in an otherwise terrible day.

5) What’s something you regret doing?

(Note: don’t pick something that you regret not doing, because those are usually more painful than funny.)

I regret buying an HP printer, because those are the worst, because I have never not had a problem with it since the moment I first set it up.

I also regret giving my friend one of my lottery tickets.

6) If you could take only three items with you to a deserted island, what would they be, and why?

I for one would take my High School Musical 2 dvd, because Troy and Gabriella are my OTP. Then I guess I’d take some scissors, in case I need a haircut. Oh, and a pen cap to chew on. 

Pfft, this is so easy.

Now for the bonus questions: (Remember, you can change these to something else if you write your own post.

7) What past fad do you think should make a comeback?

Personally, I hope planking becomes a thing again. I find it hysterical. Remember this, anyone?

8) How would you describe the perfect date?

Mine would be: drive in theater, with the movie being Stephen King’s IT: Part One. Obviously this would never happen, but hey, I could dream.

And now for the nominations. You could nominate anywhere from three to five people, or not at all. But because I’m trying to start a new trend, I’m going to nominating quite a few, and I’ll be calling them out by name.

  • Engie, from Musings from Neville’s Navel. I know you’re busy with college and all, but screw college! This tag is much more important.
  • Liam, from This Page Intentionally Left Blank. I know you’re busy battling pirates and sea monsters right now, but as they say, the pen is mightier than the sword. Likewise, this tag is mightier than anything you could possibly be doing, so drop everything and get on it.
  • Susannah from Susannah Contra Mundum, because of your Lilo and Stitch GIFs.
  • Gwendolyn, from Apprentice, Never Master, because you didn’t actually think you’d be able to get out of this post unscathed, did you?
  • Shanti, from Virtually Read. I know you just did an award post, but technically this isn’t an award post. It’s an inconvenience more than anything else. 
  • Katie, from Spiral Bound. You are my mortal enemy, and hopefully you’ll expose a weakness by answering my questions. 
  • Confused Teen from The Mostly Confused Teenager, because the blogosphere needs you back. 
  • Kedslover from Alternative Sunny Days, because you are chiller than an ice cream cone.
  • Derek, from The Edwards Edition. Where you been, man? And don’t use life as an excuse, because I already called dibs on that one.
  • Literary and Lovely, from Literary and Lovely. I approve of your use of calculators.
  • Evi, at Adventures Through Pages. This is punishment for posting almost as inconsistently as me.
  • Aspen at AKA The Author. I read you were sick with laryngitis, so I decided to make life worse for you by pressuring you into this. 
  • Elm from Just Call me Elm or Something. If you were an actual elm tree, I probably wouldn’t chop you down unless absolutely necessary. 

Well, that’s ten people. Hopefully enough to spread this tag across the universe. I probably forgot someone really important to nominate, so if you’re one of those people I missed, I’m very sorry, and feel free to do this tag anyway, because you deserve it.

Weird Things I Do

What a unique person.

I just realized today that there are a couple weirdly specific things that go through my head on a daily basis, and I’ve always just assumed this was just a Matt Quirk.

(Definition of a Matt Quirk: Strange and unusual behavior exhibited by teen bloggers named Matt.) 

But today I heard a classmate mention that whenever she was on a long car ride as a little kid, she’d imagine an imaginary person running alongside the road with her, jumping over anything in the way and never falling behind. This was such a perfect description of what I used to do that it had me wondering: what if I’m not as strange as I thought I was? What if I’m actually normal?

So I decided to tell you some of things I do, just to see if anyone else does the same thing. If not, feel free to judge me as harshly as you want:

I often imagine myself explaining parts of my daily routine to someone my age from the nineteenth or early twentieth century. Like sometimes when I stop to get gas, or use my phone, or watch TV, I think of how I’d explain all this to someone who’d never seen it before. I currently find myself trying to explain the current presidential election to someone from the 1930s, and it is very difficult. 

When I’m bored in math class, I find myself playing this game with my calculator, in which I type the numbers in the rhythm to a song. Then I press the divide button and type the pattern in again without looking, to see if I get the same thing. For example, the recurring verse to Where is My Mind? by the Pixies comes out to the sequence: 757575757474745545 repeated two or three times.

Okay, so this one’s going to be difficult to explain, but I’ll do my best. Have you ever seen floors like this? (the color’s unnecessary)

Now, do you know how to play chess? Because there’s a piece in that game called the knight that could move in any direction as long as it’s in the shape of an L. Two blocks in any direction, one block to a perpendicular side, as shown below.

Well as a kid, and occasionally now when I do walk on such floors, I’d only step in a tile that a knight would be allowed to move to in a game of chess. I’d always be slightly disappointed if the tiles were suddenly cut off, or if a random passerby made me miss a step. Twas a fun game.

I rarely do this anymore though, mostly cause I kept bumping into things. Plus it just looked weird, so . . . *shrugs*

Sometimes I keep the air conditioning on at night when it’s not even hot out, simply because the sound helps me sleep. Sorry about that, Planet Earth.

I’ll occasionally pour water into my water bottle cap and drink from that, instead of the bottle itself. Y’know, just to be fancy.

I quickly swipe at the top of my nose whenever I’m in a stressful position. Especially during class presentations. Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but I’ve been trying very hard not to do this and so far I think I’ve succeeded. Although there’s a chance that I do it now without even thinking, so I should look out for that.

Oh, and I always take the tab thingy off of my cans of soda. Y’know, that thing you pull up to open it? Well, I pull it off completely and put it my pocket, every single time. Partly so I can tell which one is mine if I’m at some sort of social gathering, but mostly because of habit. 

Hmm . . .

That’s all I can think of right now. If you have any weird quirks, feel free to share. (I’ll only judge you if it’s particularly freaky.) And if you are guilty of any of the things I mentioned above, comment below so I know I’m not alone.

In Which I Make My Official Decision Re: Colleges

So as some of you may know, I am currently a high school senior who applied to several colleges last fall. And while it did take quite a while to get back from all of them, by the very, very end of March I finally got the letters back. I applied to SUNY Plattsburgh, Oswego, Stony Brook, and Binghamton, all of whom got back to me with varying responses.

Oswego accepted me within a couple weeks of applying, which was awfully nice of them because it took a whole load of stress off my mind. “No matter what the other colleges say,” I figured, “At least I am going to one.”

As for Plattsburgh, well … You know how I said I got a really bad grade in Calculus a few months ago? As it turns out, that was the deciding factor for them, because literally the day after they received my mid-year grades I got a letter wait-listing me. The kicker was that as part of the wait-list, I wouldn’t get a confirmation until up to May 15th, which was after I’d have to make my official decision.

And then there was Stony Brook, that college in Long Island where nobody’s taught how to parallel park. I got an email in January from the school saying that my application was complete, and all they’d need now was my mid-year transcript from my senior year. So once the semester was over I went to my guidance counselor and asked her to send it to Stony Brook. She told me she’d already sent the grades to all my colleges, so there was no need to worry.

“Oh okay,” I said, thanking her for being all proactive and whatnot. “Man, what a great Guidance Counselor I have.” And then I happily spent the seven weeks doing whatever it is I do usually, not even bothering to check the application status to make sure that the mid-year grades were actually sent. And then I got an email from Stony Brook saying that they never actually received them after all, and then I punched a door.

It was a bad idea, punching a door, because I got a splinter in my hand and holy shit guys, splinters hurt.

Anywho, turns out there was a mistake with the electronic transfer, so the guidance counselor ended up sending the grades via real mail, which would take at least a week. I’m not sure if they made it to the college in time for the decision process, just that I got a rejection email from them on March 31st.

All hope seemed lost.

(not really)

But just as I was about to punch a second door with my splintered-covered fist, the great University of Binghamton got back to me, saying they had accepted me, but only for the spring semester. Now I know what you’re thinking: “BLUGHSMEAGLESHMOOSHLETOP!”

Okay so maybe you weren’t thinking that, and instead you were thinking something along the lines of, “Hmm, how does that work?”

Well as it turns out, this is a very common thing that Binghamton does. I’d be put on the wait-list for the fall semester, and if I don’t get accepted for said fall semester, I could instead go to another college for that time, and all my course credits would simply slide into Binghamton as if I’d taken it there.

So basically my choices were: I could go to Oswego for the full four years, or I could go to community college for one semester and then spend the rest of college at Binghamton.

I was stuck, because I did love Oswego, but Binghamton is definitely better for me academically. But I didn’t want to stay at home for another five months, either, because both my siblings would be out of the house as well for that time, so all the attention would be turned on me, and I’m not a fan of that. Imagine all the lawn I’d have to mow and all the dishes I’d have to do now that I’m the only one around to do them.

But in the end I decided to go with . . . (prepare yourself for some subtle suspense)

. . . it starts with a letter . . .

. . . and it has more than one syllable . . .

. . . and it is a college of sorts . . .

. . . and Flo from Progressive is an alumni there . . .

That’s right, I picked Binghamton! I went on a tour a few days ago and talked to one of the counselors and the school won me over, because I love everything about it. Plus, there’s a restaurant called Tully’s nearby, which boasted the best chicken on earth, and having tried them I can testify that they are definitely in the top five.

And this is a good thing for this blog, because my plan was to go on an official hiatus once I went off to college. Now I know this wouldn’t be too big of change, considering all the hiatuses I’ve gone on in the past year or so, but with an official hiatus, I would be removing myself from the guilt I’d usually go through when I don’t blog for a while. My plan would be to go a month without blogging, see how that works out, and if I feel like I can handle blogging again with my presumably busy schedule, then I will go ahead and do just that.

But since I’m staying home for the fall, I think I’ll keep doing this until January, so you don’t have to worry about any official hiatuses any time soon. Just, y’know, the unofficial ones. 

(Sorry ’bout that.)

____

Also, one of my blogger pals, Susannah Ailene Martin, has published a short story (“The Lifeguard”) for just 99 cents. I was excited when I found out because she had asked me to read an earlier version of it a little while back. At first I was hesitant, because what if I didn’t like it and I had to break the news? But thankfully it wasn’t terrible (twas quite good actually), and I can only assume it’s gotten better since then.

The story costs less than a dollar sweet tea at McDonalds, which is a good deal considering that when you buy the short story, you don’t have to worry about it eighty percent filled with ice. So go ahead and check it out at this blog. 

In Which I Officially Endorse a Presidential Nominee

“Something something Wall Street.”–Quote from Bernie Sanders, probably.

Otherwise titled: “In which I suddenly get political for no good reason.”

So I’ll be voting in the New York primary on the nineteenth, and things are really heating up. People have been arguing a lot, calling Bernie a communist and Hillary a criminal, and I meanwhile am trying to make sure that whoever I do decide to vote for is the least likely to turn the country into 1984. This way, if another candidate wins and the events of 1984 actually happen in real life, I can smugly say that I, at least, voted for the other guy.

So I’ve been doing mad research, actually paying attention to some of the debates and looking shit up on my own, and I have now officially made my decision.

Admittedly, this official decision is totally subject to change at any moment. If John Kasich were to send me a gift basket in the mail, I’d probably vote for him because, well, gift baskets are cool. But at the moment I’m supporting someone else, and you could probably guess who it is based on the picture above.

I see no difference.

Yep, Bernie Sanders. The guy who looks like Waldorf from the Muppets. Why would I vote for such a man, you ask? Well there are plenty of reasons: he’s refreshingly authentic, I sort of want to pet his head, and I love his accent. He’s been a supporter of civil and LGTBQ+ rights long before it became politically convenient. Plus he’s one of the few people in congress who truly seem to realize just how important this whole climate change thing is. I mean seriously, it’s the most important issue of our time, one that affects literally everyone on the planet, and there are people in congress who still haven’t gotten around to admitting that it’s a thing that exists.

(Fun fact: Donald Trump is on record saying that global warming is a conspiracy invented by the Chinese(?) and Ted Cruz believes it was fabricated by those goddamn liberals. Liberals are pretty sneaky though, so Ted may in fact be onto something here.)

He’s also on board with the legalization of marijuana, which is one of those stances that I feel like he should bring up more often. He may not be winning the minority votes, but I’m sure he’s kicking ass when it comes to pizza delivery dudes and snowboarders.

Oh, and I know this is stupid but I have to share: there is a diner nearby my house that I go to a lot, (usually on late weekend nights with my friends) and Bernie Sanders showed up there this Tuesday. That’s right, Bernie Sanders was at my favorite diner! I wonder what table he sat on. Hopefully it’s the booth in the corner where I always sit. That would be so cool.

But not everyone feels this way, of course. Many for legitimate reasons that I actually agree with. (The dude’s chill and all, but he ain’t flawless.) There are a lot of Americans who don’t think he’d be good for country. Some of these are people who don’t quite seem to understand the difference between communism, socialism, and democratic socialism. (Hint: they’re not the same thing.) And some are people who vote for Hillary because they think she has a better chance of winning the general election, which I don’t really get.

I mean, I don’t hate Hillary or anything, and if Sanders loses I’d easily vote for her over Ted Cruz or Donald Drumpf, but Sanders has a much better chance of winning the general election.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but a lot of people hate Hillary. Like, they really hate her.* She’s viewed as a criminal for the whole Benghazi thing and for the email scandal and for a dozen other reasons, and all the recent polls show that Bernie has a better lead against Trump and Cruz, whereas Clinton somehow doesn’t.

(*I was at a family party a couple weeks ago, and pretty much all of my adult family members said they’d vote for anyone but Hillary. Not saying this is indicative of all of America, but just thought I’d share. It boggles my mind, though, that someone could look at Trump, then look at Clinton, and actually think, “Yes, Hillary’s the one we need to avoid at all costs.” And not, y’know, the spoiled manchild who advocates war crimes and throws a fit every time Megyn Kelly asks him a question.)

Fun fact: Donald Trump is currently the most disliked Presidential Nominee in history, whereas Clinton comes in at second place. The only current nominee who is liked more than he’s disliked is Bernie, who’s supposedly unelectable. That’s just weird to think about.

And then there are those saying that the only people voting for Sanders are gullible college kids who want everything for free, which is fairly obnoxious assumption to make. These critics usually go on about how young people are so entitled and naive. They usually talk about participation trophies for a little bit, then they go on about how millennials don’t understand much about the real world and they’re all too lazy to vote anyway so the whole campaign is pretty much a waste of time. And not gonna lie, it pisses me off.

Stupid college kids, am I right? So entitled for not wanting to have to pay tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars for an education that may or may not get them a job in the future. So naive for thinking we could have universal healthcare in a world where pretty much every other developed country in the world has universal healthcare. What a bunch of suckers for thinking that a guy with morals could actually be president.

I’m an incoming college student who’s going to be voting for Sanders, not because I want free things. (Though admittedly that would be nice.) But because I care about the environment, I care about the rights of women and minorities, and I like a president who won’t go to war as anything but a last resort.

And also, uh, because of the whole legalization of marijuana thing. It seems like a good idea.

Yes, this is an Award Post. Deal with it.

So, shortly after I complained about not being nominated for any award, Evi at Adventuring Through Pages was kind enough to tag me in her own award post, the “Who Am I?” tag.

Thanks, Evi! I’m so flattered that I might not even kill off your character in that ice cream truck killer story I’m writing. (The plot has thickened to ridiculous lengths, so it’s taking a while.) I think I’ll just maim you a bit.

Anywho, onto the tag, which involves questions that are sorta inspired, but not nearly as inspired as the ones I’m going to be coming up with soon. That’s right guys, I’m making my own blog tag thingy, and it’s gonna catch on like wildfire.

Except hopefully it won’t be quite as deadly. (*fingers crossed*) Moving on:

What is the meaning of your name?

Here’s the definition of the name Matt, according to the top result on Urban Dictionary:

Ancient Greek translation for “eternal sex-god”. It is believed that anyone that holds this name has a great level of skill and ability to perform sexual acts for long periods of time. Men possessing this name are also well endowed.
Girl 1: I wish my boyfriend was a matt.
Girl 2: Oh you poor thing.
Apparently there’s an ancient hebrew meaning as well, but no one really cares about that.
 

What is your Myers Briggs personality type?

According 16personalities.com, I am a mediator, which apparently means that:

INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, INFPs have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the INFP personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

That sounds about right. #innerflame

What is your zodiac sign?

Obviously I am a Taurus. This site has been nice enough to list all my strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths: Reliable, patient, practical, devoted, responsible, stable

Weaknesses: Stubborn, possessive, uncompromising

Taurus likes: Gardening, cooking, music, romance, high quality clothes, working with hands

Taurus dislikes: Sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, synthetic fabrics

You know, I can’t help but feel like the majority of this stuff can apply to just about everyone. Most people like to think of themselves as patient and stable and all that jazz. And who doesn’t dislike complications and insecurity?

The synthetic fabrics part was weirdly specific though, I’ll give it that.

What Hogwarts house would you be in?

test here!

I got slytherin, but barely, with the results being:

Slytherin — 12
Hufflepuff — 11
Ravenclaw — 10
Gryffindor — 10

I suppose this makes sense, seeing as I am occasionally brave, occasionally wise, occasionally kind, and I have a tendency to hiss at people I don’t like. I deem this test: Highly Accurate.

What are your learning styles?

test here!

I’m visual, which means with these new glasses I’ve gotten, I should be extra smart!

Are you more of a left-brain or a right brain kind of person?

test here!

According to the test, I am 66% right-brained, and I’m not sure if I should be happy about that or not. This apparently makes me creative and intuitive, but it also means I’m less rational and strategic.

On the bright side, I’m also too cool to follow the rules.

What is your blood type?

Based on my parents, I’m either an A+ or an O, which reminds me of something that’s been bugging me for a long time:

Why the hell don’t doctors write down your blood type from the moment you’re born? This seems like a pretty important bit of information that every individual should know, and yet apparently it’s okay for me to go my whole life so far without finding out?

Excuse me while I angrily howl at the moon.

What career are you meant to be in?

I refuse to let an online test decide this for me. “Begone!” I say to the online test. “You are most likely a sham!”

Which divergent faction do you belong in?

As someone who stopped reading Divergent after the first few chapters, I also refuse to take the test for this question. I know, I know, I’m such a wet blanket. Was there a Wet Blanket faction in those books? Because I suppose I’d belong to that one if there was.

What is your birth order?

I’m the middle child, which means I’m a social butterfly, peacekeeper and am fairness obsessed. Which, uh, I guess could be true, depending on my mood. 

Aaaaaaand that’s all the questions there were. I’m not going to tag anyone, because I plan on tagging people for another blog award and don’t want to overdo it. Thanks again to Evi, and I’d also like to thank the Greek God Prometheus, for giving mankind the gift of fire. Seriously dude, you have no idea how much that helped.